Love Capsule: Men don’t marry the women they love, and I learned it the hard way – Times of India

Love Capsule: Men don’t marry the women they love, and I learned it the hard way – Times of India

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It’s funny how men can claim to love you fiercely one moment, and abandon you within a blink of an eye. All those fake promises, lies are enough to make you swoon in fantasies of a better future with your soulmate, but who can rather fathom that men can’t bring themselves to be with the woman they have yearned for?

I was in love with a man, who used me to find ‘the one’ but professed his undying love to me, in the most romantic of all ways. Such betrayal is often very hard to notice, especially in the initial days when all a man wants is to love and make love to their woman. Back when I was rocking my single life, I came across my ex who showed me another dimension of the world where relationships, life, career and alone time can peacefully coexist. We would laugh, cheer, crack jokes, get each other romantic things that screamed out our love for each other; our love was beautiful. He made me believe in marriage and destiny;
wait for the right time, and you will meet the one. I did, and I felt relieved that maybe the sacred Indian wedding ties would be the last stop where we both could profess our eternal love to each other.

But that is when, he suddenly blurted out that he won’t be able to continue the relationship further. I was dumbfounded and he further added how his parents would never accept a woman from another community. It didn’t occur to me that his parents would oppose strongly to the relationship. But he revealed, he didn’t want his parents to know he’s in a relationship. He ‘just knows’ that we both wouldn’t work out together.

Was he just using me for his convenience? Was I in love with a man who wouldn’t even stand up for me? All these questions left my emotions crippled. With my respect being hurt, I turned away from the man I loved and moved onto another city to look for another job, where I could have a fresh start in life. His actions never left my mind, and so, I couldn’t even trust another man to not break my heart.

Months and years went by, when one day, I came across my ex’s profile on Instagram. He was married. He looked happy in his wedding photos and the bride had a beautiful, happy tint to her eyes. They looked like the perfect match. I had moved on, but this remembrance made me sad. I checked out the woman’s profile. She was a Punjabi whereas, my ex was a Maharashtrian. He had told me his parents would never let him marry someone from a different community. What blasphemy!

This begged the question, “why didn’t he choose me?” That’s when the realisation hit me hard. He didn’t want to marry me. He didn’t want to marry so early, at a time when I wanted to. He had his life ahead of him. He wanted to live it, have fun, relish the adventurous moments in life, which he couldn’t do with me. And just when he thought, he was getting older, the need to marry someone drove him to settle for the woman he found nearby. He married the woman who was convenient. She looked homely, grateful and traditional, everything I was not. He married someone who would resort to his ways more than they would to themselves.

My ex loved me, but not enough to consider me as a potential wife. He settled for someone when the agony of being single was hitting him hard. He married out of convenience. He didn’t marry the one he loved. But if only this tiny realisation had come to me before, I wouldn’t have let him break my heart before he broke mine.

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